It’s true. You only get one. The one I got has just passed away and it’s left me feeling sad. And that’s right. So why do I also feel angry?
Is it because I just found out that I was a mistake? As well as my younger siblings? Is it because my father had no time for us, choosing to live with other women and creating scores of half-siblings along the way? Yeah, I think that’s it. Here I am in my late fifties and finding out that I may be here as a desperate attempt of my mother to keep her man.
There are things only a father can teach his kids that I didn’t learn until my teen years. And even after that there’s still more I didn’t learn. I won’t go into the details, but it’s enough for me to say What the hell? But they’re both gone now and I have no one to ask that question. My older siblings knew but it’s not for them to have the answers I need. I can’t yell at them or question their wisdom in all of this. They’re as much victims as I am.
That just leaves this blog. It’s said that it’s good to get this stuff out. I hope it is, cuz I’ve got a lot to get out. And if it doesn’t work, then perhaps I can use it in my stories. I’ll let you know how that works out.